A Journey with Roaccutane

When you tell people that you suffer with acne, they think you are overexadurating the pain; everyone gets spots, right?

Its difficalt to explain to people how different cystic acne is compared to just normal teenage spots. For a start, I’m not a teenager anymore, I’m almost 21. We’re not talking just the odd pimple here and there.

Cystic acne is large, hard lumps that sit deep beneath the skin and feel like an orange trying to burst through your face.. or any part of your body, as cystic acne is not picky about the location it forms in; pretty much any patch of skin on any body part will do. Also we’re not talking just one or two cysts, we’re talking dozens in patches that can be so painful that some nights I’ve not slept because the cysts on my back, shoulders and chest made it impossible to lie down comfortably.

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I was first diagnosed with cystic acne when I was 16, following years of using every over the counter spot treatment possible, with no results. The diagnosis bought trials of every medication and topical treatment GP’s had available, but nothing ever worked.

In my first year at university, my GP trialled me on what promised to be the final of many treatments before i would be referred to a hospital specialist and at last be put onto Roaccutane, the famous acne cure.

By the end of 2017, after 7 years of suffering, I finally got my referral to a dermatologist.

It was the beginning of a journey I was so sure I wanted to take, but that would hold struggles I was not prepared for.

Roaccutane takes around seven to ten days to fully start working, after those ten days the most horrific list of side effects begin to creep up on you slowly at first, and then suddenly all at once.

At the beginning of treatment, roaccutane floods the surface of the skin with acne and cysts as everything comes to the surface; and what I had previously thought to be a bad skin day seemed like nothing in comparison.

Living with acne means getting up every day and having no idea what you will see in the mirror. On my second week on roaccutane i woke up and genuinely could not recognise the face staring back at me. From my hairline to my jawline, my entire face was red raw with cysts and surfacing acne. I didn’t even get through the first steps of my skincare routine before i admitted defeat on the entire day, which became an entire week.

It was too painful to touch, too painful to even cry about.

I stayed in my room for the whole week, too embarrassed to walk around my own house in case my housemate saw me. Each time i walked past a mirror it seemed to get worse, there were cysts popping up everywhere, seemingly spreading from my face downwards, covering my neck, down my shoulders, over my chest and down my back.

The worst part of the week? It wasn’t the pain, or the nights i couldn’t sleep because i was so uncomfortable. It wasn’t the isolation, or the plans i had to cancel. It wasn’t the mound of washing i accumulated from cysts bleeding onto my bedsheets, pillowcases, towels and clothes, or even the difficulty eating because of the acne that accumulated around my mouth and lips.

It was having to accept the truth, that i was ashamed of my own appearance and something which ultimately, i had no control over.

After those first horrific weeks, your cysts will begin to go down and your skin becomes drier than a desert, it peels and becomes sore; your lips, eyes and nose also dry out and the skin often cracks; your body aches as does your head; its likely you’ll get skin rashes and eczema; your joints become stiff as moisture is just generally drained from pretty much everywhere; your hair will dry out and in some cases brittle hair may even start to fall out and you may even loose the ability to see at night.

https://twitter.com/camillavalerie_/status/986369088908914688

https://twitter.com/anniexpowrie/status/709813490932977664

https://www.instagram.com/p/Be-XLfYjtQF/?tagged=roaccutanesideeffects

Although its considered a very rare side effect, Roaccutane can even cause depression. However, when speaking to other people on the treatment, its hard to tell how many individuals on Roaccutane are suffering with depression because of the medication, or weather it is because of their skin condition. In a recent British Skin Foundation survey it was found that half of the participants with cystic acne had been verbally ridiculed for their appearance, 17% even admitted to self harming as a result of their skin issues.

Read the full survey here

am i going through roaccutane depression or regular depression??? honestly unsure

— grug? (@grug_official) April 22, 2018

https://twitter.com/RachelStewart__/status/987714827232645120

As someone currently on the treatment I can vouch that the side effects are pretty awful. In the last three months i have endured my acne becoming considerably worse as the medication flooded my body. My skin has peeled every single day, each time removing more and more skin as the glands become destroyed and my body stops producing moisture. My lips and the inside of my nose cracked, bled and peeled every few hours and sometimes itchy and painful rashes just appear all over my body without warning and then disappear in the same fashion. My bones have even begun cracking and aching as if I am old woman.

But without this treatment I’d have no hope of getting cured of the constant pain, both physically and emotionally, that is cystic acne.

Roaccutane is a cruel medication, but everyday more and more people prove that it does work, it is a cure and someday soon, I hope to join its long list of success stories.